RELATION OF FATHER AND DAUGHTER IN ISLAM

RELATION OF FATHER AND DAUGHTER IN ISLAM

Aalhamdolillah I have been blessed with an amazing father, who is my greatest support during my struggles in life, my greatest been of happiness during my triumphs in life. 

The reason for this sensitive topic is because I have being getting a lot of questions on the “Father -Daughter Relationship in Islam” 

In the Muslim community especially, this is an issue which has been overlooked, ignored, and generally treated with a sense of discomfort. Particularly amongst immigrant families, the relationship between a father and his daughter(s) is often a distant one; girls are encouraged to spend the most of their time with their mothers and other womenfolk.

 A girl might be “Daddy’s Little Princess” as a baby, a toddler, a child, but as she grows closer to puberty she will often find herself left at home instead of taken to the Masjid, attention deflected from her and turned towards her brothers instead (if she has any). Unfortunately, this is a practice which has extremely negative repercussions… for the fathers, the daughters, and indeed the Ummah at large.

 The role of a father in his daughter’s life is pivotal: he is the first man in her life; the one who teaches her what he, a male, thinks of her, a female; and thus shapes her sense of self-worth in the eyes of other men; the one whose behaviour and mannerisms will influence her mental image of “the perfect man” and her choice of life partner (i.e. husband).

In Islam as well as in psychology, the father is meant to be the daughter’s guardian, protecting her from harm, teaching her life skills and strong values. Yet despite all this, far too many fathers play a distant, secondary role in their daughter’s lives. There is a misconception that a father is merely the breadwinner, the supporter of the household, that his role is primarily that of financial provider rather than nurturer. After all, isn’t it the mother’s job to raise the children? Isn’t it the mother’s job to teach her daughters what it is to be a girl, a woman?

Yes, it is – but the mother is not a child’s only parent. She is equally the man’s progeny. His genes are present in her DNA, his flesh and blood are hers. When she looks at him, he is seeing a part of himself; in her behaviour is a reflection of his own attitude and mannerisms. How then can any father willingly minimize his role in his daughter’s life?

Mistakes Fathers Make

 · Not being actively involved from the beginning (birth). Hold your daughter. Carry her. Change her diapers. You can’t expect to develop a bond between yourself and your child if you don’t make the effort to create it. 

 · Not getting involved because you think you’re unprepared. Considering that you’ve already had experience with females thanks to your mother/ sister/ wife, you’re not as unprepared as you think you are, so relax. 

· Distancing yourself from her as she grows older. Girls become women. They change physically. It’s a fact of life, get used to it. Yes, puberty is uncomfortable for everyone involved, but denying it or ignoring it – or worse, ignoring her – just makes things worse. Nobody’s suggesting that you chat with your daughter about the details of her menstrual cycle, but it’d be a lot more helpful if you grabbed the Tylenol and handed her a hot water bottle instead of walking straight past her when you clearly know that she’s in pain. This is just one example of fathers’ denial about their daughters growing up; in truth, there are many ways that fathers demonstrate distance from their daughters. 

 · Having little to no physical contact. The idea that hugging, kissing, or having any other positive physical contact with your daughter is “wrong” or “not manly” is absolutely ridiculous. Not only that, but it’s extremely harmful to your daughter’s development as she grows older. Whether your daughter is five or fifteen, both of you should be comfortable enough to turn to each other for a hug (that lasts longer than five seconds) at any time. 

 · Little to no emotional communication. “Pass the salt” does not qualify as real communication. Make an effort to be involved in your daughter’s everyday life, whether it has to do with school and friends or just how she’s feeling on any given day. Building this bond will create a feeling of security and trust, and your daughter should be able to turn to you for help at times of emotional hurt and conflict. 

 · Not expressing pride in their daughters. Girls crave their father’s praise and approval just as much as boys do. Nothing can thrill a daughter more than knowing that her father sees his own good qualities in her, that he is really and truly proud of her and her accomplishments. 

The greatest, most perfect example of father-daughter relationships can be found in the history of Islam. Has there ever been a father more devoted, a daughter more adoring, than our beloved Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and Sayyidah Faatimah az-Zahraa’ (radhiAllahu anha)?

 We all know the stories:

 Young Faatimah, scarcely ten years old, wiping filth off of her father’s back and furiously berating the leaders of Quraysh for their behaviour.

 Faatimah, who used to weep at the sight of dust that was thrown upon her father’s head, and would be comforted with the words “Do not cry, my daughter, for Allah shall protect your father!” 

Faatimah, the apple of her father’s eye, of whom he said: “Whoever pleased Fatimah has indeed pleased God and whoever has caused her to be angry has indeed angered God. Fatimah is a part of me. Whatever pleases her pleases me and whatever angers her angers me.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3437; Muslim, 4483)

Noble Faatimah, one of the four greatest women in the world: “The best women in all the world are four: the Virgin Mary, Aasiyaa the wife of Pharoah, Khadijah Mother of the Believers, and Fatimah, daughter of Muhammad.” 

Faatimah, of whom A’isha (radhiAllahu anha) commented, “I have not seen any one of God’s creation resemble the Messenger of God more in speech, conversation and manner of sitting than Fatimah, may God be pleased with her. When the Prophet saw her approaching, he would welcome her, stand up and kiss her, take her by the hand and sit her down in the place where he was sitting.”

The entire Muslim Ummah has benefited directly from this unique father-daughter relationship. How many lessons have been derived from the Seerah, from incidents pertaining to this father and to this daughter?! How much knowledge, how much wisdom, was transmitted from father to daughter, and from that daughter to her own sons, al-Hassan and al-Hussein (radhiAllahu anhum)?! Yaa subhanAllah! How can we ever belittle, neglect, forget the importance of such a bond?

 O Muslim fathers, will you follow in the footsteps of the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ‘alayi wa sallam)? Will you do what you can to help your daughter become the Faatimah az-Zahraa’ of today?

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Four Great Women In Islam

Four Great Women In Islam

Anas (RA) reports that Rasulullah (SAW) has said: “From among the women of the world who have reached perfection and who are worthy of following are (the following four): Maryam the daughter of Imrân; Khadijah daughter of Khuwaylid; Fatima daughter of Muhammed and Asiyah wife of Fir’aun” (Tirmidhi).

(The scholars of Hadith are of the view that this statement was made before Ayesha (RA) reached the position of excellence whereupon Rasulullah (SAW) said: “The virtue of Ayesha over all the women of the world is like the virtue of tharîd (a meat dish) over all other food.”

The Hadith however refers to four women who acquired perfection in faith and character by virtue of their devotion, patience, toil and morality. Their lives radiated with piety, trust, patience and gratitude. Their lives serve as beacons of guidance for all believers, especially in times of hardship, difficulty and struggle.)

Maryam: The Daughter of Imrân

Maryam Alyhers-Salam spent her young days in total seclusion within the precincts of Baitul Muqaddas. She devoted her life to prayer and worship of the Almighty. Although unmarried she miraculously gave birth to Isa Alayhis- Salâm. She was accused of adultery and chastised for bringing disrepute to the family name. Who would have believed her innocence when she came to her people as a spinster with a child in hand, and how could she exonerate herself from the charge of adultery? Just how could an unmarried woman convince her people that this was no ordinary birth… nor was this an ordinary child? Allah says:

فَأَتَتْ بِهِ قَوْمَهَا تَحْمِلُهُ ۖ قَالُوا يَا مَرْيَمُ لَقَدْ جِئْتِ شَيْئًا فَرِيًّا

يَا أُخْتَ هَارُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ امْرَأَ سَوْءٍ وَمَا كَانَتْ أُمُّكِ بَغِيًّا

فَأَشَارَتْ إِلَيْهِ ۖ قَالُوا كَيْفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَنْ كَانَ فِي الْمَهْدِ صَبِيًّا

قَالَ إِنِّي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ آتَانِيَ الْكِتَابَ وَجَعَلَنِي نَبِيًّا

“So she came to her people carrying the child with her.” They said:” O Maryam you have indeed done an amazing thing” … she pointed to him- they exclaimed: “How can we talk to one who is a child in the cradle?” But He (the child) said: “I am the servant of Allâh who has given me the Book and made me a Prophet.” (Surah Maryam 19:27-30)

The breast suckling child spoke and vindicated his mother from the accusation of infidelity. When she gave her life to Allâh, Allâh gave her a child that protected her integrity even whilst he was in the cradle.

Khadijah Daughter of Khuwaylid

She was extremely wise, intelligent, gentle, and influential called Tahira [chaste and pure] even in the era of ignorance. She was exceptionally wealthy and a prosperous business woman. She married Rasulullah (SAW) at the age of 40 while he was 25. She provided the moral, financial, and emotional support for Rasulullah (SAW) when he was blessed with Nubuwwat. When Rasulullah (SAW) first saw Jibra’îl (AS) in the cave of Hira, he was terrified and feared for his life. He ran down the mountain trembling and crying: “Cover me up! Cover me up!” It was Khadijah (RA) who consoled him; she was his pillar of support; she believed in him when everyone else doubted him. She served as his refuge, consoled him, supported him and cared for him when he was alone, confused and terrified. She stood by him when everyone else shunned him. Khadijah (RA) rallied to the call of Islam, she gave a home Rasulullah (SAW), she was his first confidant, and tower of strength.

Fatima Daughter of Muhammed

Rasulullah (SAW) would often say: “Fatima is of my flesh, he who angers her, angers me” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Fatimah (RA) was the youngest child of Rasulullah (SAW) and the only child who survived him. Hers was a life of extreme poverty and struggle. She constantly saw her father being mistreated, insulted and humiliated by the disbelievers. One day, when she was barely ten years old, she accompanied her father to the Masjid al-Haram. He stood in the place known as al-Hijr facing the Kaaba and began to pray. Fatimah stood at his side. A group of Quraish gathered around him. They included Abu Jahl ibn Hisham, the Prophet’s uncle, Uqbah ibn Abi Muayt, Ummayyah ibn Khalaf, and Shaybah and Utbah. Abu Jahl, the ringleader, asked: “Which of you can bring the entrails of a slaughtered animal and throw it on Muhammad?” Uqbah ibn Abi Muayt, one of the vilest of the lot, volunteered and hurried off. He returned with the obnoxious filth and threw it on the shoulders of the Prophet while he was still prostrating. Imagine the feelings of Fatimah as she saw her father being humiliated in this manner. She went up to her father and removed the filth and then stood firmly and angrily before the group of Quraish thugs and lashed out against them. Such scenes of vicious opposition and harassment against her father and the early Muslims were witnessed by the young Fatimah almost everyday. She did not meekly stand aside but joined in the struggle in defense of her father and his noble mission.

Asiyah wife of Fir’aun

“And for those who have faith Allâh has set forth a parable in the (story) of Fir’aun’s wife when she prayed: O my sustainer! Build for me a mansion in paradise by You and save me from Fir’aun and his doings and save me from all evil doing people.”

When the magicians fell into sajda and declared their faith in Allâh and accepted Moosa (AS) as the Nabi of Allâh, the wife of Fir’aun also declared her faith. Fir’aun began punishing her by pegging her to the ground and exposing her to the midday sun. Whenever he turned away from her the angels would give her shade with their wings. He then gave her a choice: “Either retract from your belief or be prepared to be crushed by a huge boulder.” She chose to be crushed. As she was placed onto the ground she raised her sight towards the sky, she saw her place in Jannah and prayed: “O my sustainer! Build for me a mansion in paradise by You and save me from Fir’aun and his doings and save me from all evil doing people.” As she said this, her rûh left her body and the boulder then crushed her lifeless body.

These four women changed the course of human history, through their perseverance, faith and courage. Maryam Alayhas-Salâm life was characterized by piety, chastity and faith, Khadijah (RA) neither succumbed to the trappings of wealth, nor to power and fame, Fatima (RA) made Sabr in the face of unending hardships and was crowned the ‘leader of all women in Jannah’, whilst the wife of Fir’aun chose faith over royalty. These were women distinguished by Sabr who found the true friendship of Allâh through their unfailing steadfastness in the face of grinding sacrifices.

“May Allah grant us the tawfeeq to emulate the beautiful conduct of these icons of virtue, humility and courage. Aameen Thuma Aameen”

A Beautiful story of Abu Al-Aas ibn Al-Rabia and his wife Zainab bint Muhammed (RA).

As sala’amu alaikum

Most surly every story about Rasulullah (SAW) and His Beloved family touches the heart and soul of every Muslim, the struggles, pain and hardships they had endured for us to be Muslims today, is so much and we should be ever grateful to them.

The daughters of our beloved Rasulullah (SAW) were indeed special to him, May every Muslim Husband, Father, Brother and Uncle learn from Him.

Today I would like to share with you the story of the daughter Zainab and her husband Abu Al-Aas ibn Al-Rabia, a daughter whom I feel really close to, as I know the separation between  husband and wife, for however long or short the time, is extremely painful.

Please do remember the Ummah and I in your duas.

Walaikum as salaam

بنت محمد ،

bint Muhammed.

Ps.. please feel free to correct me if I have made any mistakes

A Beautiful story of Abu Al-Aas ibn Al-Rabia and his wife Zainab bint Muhammed (RA).

Abu al-Aas ibn Al-Rabia, his maternal aunt was Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, the wife of Muhammad. He came Rasulullah (SAW) before Islam and asked him “I would like to marry Zainab your daughter” Rasulullah (SAW) said “I can’t give you an answer until I ask her” Rasulullah (SAW) asked her “Your cousin Abu al-Aas has come to me and he mentioned your name would you accept him as a husband?.” Her face became red and she smiled, Rasulullah (SAW) got back to Abu al-Aas.  Zainab got married to Abu al-Aas. And after that she got blessed with two children Ali and Umamah. And they lived a very happy romantic life until the Divine light of Islam radiated over Makah. Rasulullah (SAW) the father of Zainab, was now the Prophet of Allah, sent to convey the religion of guidance and truth. So Zainab accepted Islam while her husband was away traveling. When he came back he heard the rumors that his wife has embraced this new religion. When he entered his house, Zainab hurried to him and said “I have great news for you”, he stood up and moved away from her. She went after him and told him what happened and that she embraced Islam. He said “Shouldn’t you have told me first”. She said “I was not going to disbelieve in my father when his known to be the truthful. And I am not alone, my mother your aunt became Muslim, and my sisters, my uncle Ali Ibn Talib, and the son of your aunt Uthman Ibn Affan, and your friend Abu baker”. He said “But not me. I don’t want the people to say I have betrayed my people and I have disbelieved in what my father’s believed in to please my wife. So would you make allowances for me and show some recognition”. She said “If I’m not the one who makes allowances than, who is? I am your wife and I will support you on the truth until you can see it through”. 20 years she was patient with him. At that time the law forbidding the marriage of a Muslim woman to a non believing man was not yet in force.
After that it was the Hijrah (migration) from Makah to Medina. Zainab who loved her husband asked her father Rasulullah (SAW) if she could stay with her husband so Rasulullah (SAW) told her you stay with your husband and children. Then the battle of Badr came and Abu Al-Aas decided that he would go and fight with Quraish. Her husband is going to fight her beloved father. But she had hope. He did not really have the desire to fight the Muslims nor did he feel any inclination to join them. But his position among the Quraish- one of honour and trust impelled him to go along with their campaign against Muhammad. The battle of Badr ended with terrible defeat for Quraish. Some were killed, some were taken prisoner and some managed to escape. Among those, who were taken prisoner was Abu-al Aas, the husband of Zainab. After the battle was over and Quraish was coming back to Makah, Zainab asked “What happened to my father?” They said ‘‘He won’’. So she bowed down thanking Allah. And then she asked “What happen to my husband?” they said ‘‘His father-in-law took him as a prisoner”. Rasulullah (SAW) fixed amounts for the ransom of the prisoners of war varying from one thousand to four thousand Dirham’s, according to the wealth and social standing of the prisoner. Quraish messengers went to Medina bearing the ransom money to free their relatives held in Medina. Zainab sent her messenger to Medina bearing the ransom to free her husband which was a necklace, her mother Khadijah gave her before she died. The only thing she had to free her beloved husband. When Rasulullah (SAW) saw the necklace he cried (Allah Akbar) and he said “This is the necklace of Khadijah.” Rasulullah (SAW) felt a surge of tenderness for his daughter. He turned to his companions and said: “This man we haven’t seen any bad from him. By Allah I haven’t seen from him as a son in law anything but good. Zainab has sent this amount to ransom Abu-al Aas. If you see fit to set free her prisoner and return her possession to her, then do so”. “Yes” his companions agreed. “We shall do whatever we can to soothe your eyes and make you happy.” So they released Abu al-Aas and Rasulullah (SAW) gave him the necklace and said “Tell Zainab not to neglect Khadijah’s necklace”   then Rasulullah (SAW) said “Islam ordered me to separate the Muslim woman from her non believing husband so if you can kindly return my daughter back to me”. As Abu al-Aas entered Makah, his loving wife came out to meet him and welcome him. He said to her: “I am leaving”. She said “To where?” He said: “I am not the one who is going to leave but you are. You’re going back to your father”. She asked “Why?” He said “Your religion ordered for the separation between you and me so go back to your father”. She said “Would you kindly be my companion and become Muslim?” He said “No”. So she took her children and left to Medina. People were coming to her to ask her for marriage but she refused. She had love for Abu al-Aas and faith in Allah. After the departure of his wife, Abu-al Aas remained in Makah for several years. Then shortly before the Conquest of Mecca, he left for Syria on a trading engagement. As the caravan approached Medina, a detachment of Muslims took them by surprise. They impounded the camels and took the men as captives to Rasulullah (SAW). Abu-al Aas however managed to escape. During the night which was pitch black, Abu-al Aas entered Medina fearful and alert. He asked for the house of Zainab. He knocked on the door just before Fajr time. She asked “Who is it?”, “Abu al-Aas” he replied, Zainab asked “Did you come as a Muslim?”  “No as a fugitive” He replied and he told her the story. She said “Would you become Muslim?” He said “No”. She said “Don’t worry and welcome to the son of my aunt and the father of my children”.
At dawn Rasulullah (SAW), came out to the Masjid to perform the Fajr Prayer. He stood up and said “Allahu Akbar” to begin the Prayer. The Muslims behind him did the same. At that point Zainab shouted from the women’s section of the Masjid:
“O people! I am Zainab the daughter of Muhammed. I have given protection to Abu al-Aas”.  When the Prayer was finished, Rasulullah (SAW) turned to the congregation and said: “Have you heard what I heard?” “Yes, Messenger of Allah” They replied.
“By Him in whose hand is my soul, I knew nothing of this until I heard what you heard.” He then said “This man we haven’t seen any bad from him. By Allah I haven’t seen from him anything but good he has proved truthful in whatever he said to me. No doubt, Zainab is a part of me,” and he said ‘’we have given protection to whom you have given protection.” “You have taken the possessions of this man. If you are kind to him and return his property, we would be pleased. If however you do not agree then the goods is booty sanctioned by Allah which you have a right to.”
“We would certainly return his possessions to him, Messenger of Allah” they replied Rasulullah (SAW) said to his daughter: “Prepare a place of rest for Abu-al Aas and let him know that you are not lawful for him”. As Abu-al Aas collect his money and goods, Zainab said to him “Don’t you miss us? Would you embrace Islam and stay with us?”. He said “No”… He took his goods and money and left to Makkah. As soon as Abu-al Aas returned to Makah with the caravan, he handed over all the wealth and goods to their rightful owners. Then he asked: “O people of Quraish! Is there any money left with me belonging to any one of you which he has not taken?” “No.” they reply. “And may God bless you with goodness. We have indeed found you noble and trustworthy.”
Then Abu-al Aas announced: “Since I have now handed over to you what is rightfully yours, I now declare that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. By Allah, the only thing that prevented me from declaring my acceptance of Islam while I was with Muhammad in Medina was my fear that you would think that I did so only to appropriate your wealth. Now that I have discharged my trust in this matter, I now declare that I am a Muslim”
Then he rushed to Medina to reach it for Fajr prayer and after the prayer he came to Rasulullah (SAW) and said “You have protected me yesterday and today I am here to accept Islam.” “Allahu Akbar” everyone one in the Masjid shouted. Abu al-Aas then asked Rasulullah (SAW) “Would you give me permission to get back with Zainab?” … Rasulullah (SAW) took him and said “Come with me” and he stood outside Zainab’s house and knocked on the door and then told Zainab “The son of your aunt came to me today asking my permission to get back with you, would you accept him?” Her face became red and she smiled. A year later Zainab died. The narrator said Abu al-Aas cried so much until we saw Rasulullah (SAW) wipe his tears calming him down and told him have patience. Abu al-Aas said I can’t stand living without Zainab. He died a year later. Allahu Akbar this is love, patience, faith in Allah.