Forgiveness Between Husband And Wife.

As sala’amu alaikum

I hope that everyone’s Ramadhaan has started off well Inshallah. As for mine well Allah knows, for He sees all, and knows what is in the heart of everyone, Allah know knows the Halal and true deep wishes of a wife.

There has been many searches on “FORGIVENESS BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE” , so it came to me that maybe, just maybe this in an article that I needed to write, to share, to bring me closer to my husband, I make dua that it is so. Aameen Thuma Aameen.

Walaikum as salaam                       

ابنة محمد

Bint Muhammed.

Forgiveness Between Husband And Wife.

A membership in a tribe nor citizenship in a state confers any privilege nor are they source of honor. The true source of honor in the sight of Allah is a righteous life. In his Farewell Address, Rasulullah (SAW) said, “You are all brothers, and are all equal. None of you can claim any privilege or any superiority over any other.”
Islam has established a universal brotherhood. It is stressed that a true brotherhood can be established only by virtue of mankind s relationship with one another through Allah. Islam considers the family as the basic unit of human society. The foundation of a family is laid through marriage. The relationship between husband, wife should be strong and ever- lasting. Rasulullah (SAW) said:  “The best among you is he who treats the members of his family best.” In order to maintain harmony within the family, Islam looked down upon divorce and considered it as the most obnoxious in the sight of Allah. Let us really and truly try to avoid the anger, wrath and curse of Allah that comes with divorce, let us lower our pride and ask our spouse for forgiveness, making and working hard at our marriage, let’s us learn how to forgive and ask forgiveness.

Healing yourself and healing disruptions and challenges in relationships is vital to move forward as a couple effectively. Forgiveness allows a resumption of unity and to move forward as a couple. When grudges or resentment remain instead, the bond between the couple is strained and damaged. In relationships where forgiveness does not occur, for either small or large hurtful words and actions, the bond often begins to fail. Therefore we should understand and practice this concept more regularly and intentionally.Forgiveness is pardoning someone for saying or doing something hurtful or harmful, giving up a desire for revenge and letting go of anger and resentment.

Someone practices Forgiveness effectively when he/she:

1) Examines what happened with discernment and compassion, tries to understand it and the person, accepts it as unchangeable, grieves sufficiently, and lets go of his/her feelings of anger, resentment, pain, or bitterness

2) Gives others and himself/herself the opportunity to restore a relationship after a hurtful experience, speaking and acting as needed to express remorse, apologize, change, make amends, resolve issues, reconcile, and start over anew

4) Seeks to understand the values, and viewpoints of others

5) Resists focusing excessively on the faults and mistakes of others and himself/herself, releasing grudges or hurts about words or actions

6) Values inner harmony and unity with others enough to let go of negative feelings about the past

7) Pardons a wrongdoer, including oneself, with sincerity and courage

Someone needs to strengthen Forgiveness when he/she:

1) Keeps replaying the incident in his/her mind and holds onto bitterness and anger

2) Seeks revenge

3) Refuses to accept an apology when someone else has made a mistake or to make amends when he/she is at fault

4) Holds grudges and resentment and raises a problem or former error repeatedly

5) Withholds acceptance and pardon until the other person specifically asks for it

6) Criticizes the words or actions of others or himself/herself repeatedly and often harshly

Someone misuses the strength of Forgiveness when he/she:

1) Accepts unjust, abusive, or harmful actions from someone without resolution

2) Avoids holding others or himself/herself accountable for words or actions

3) Behaves poorly without restraint because he/she presumes automatic forgiveness

Regarding the moral and spiritual values, an essential element in the effort toward achievement of moral and spiritual excellence is the certainty that however low a person may have fallen, it is always possible for him to rise. Islam teaches that Allah has created mankind in accord with the nature designed by him. It is true that each person is subject to influences of heredity, upbringing, and environment, but these can, where necessary, be corrected or eliminated. Evil comes from outside and can be kept out or having entered, can be discarded.
Islam inspires faith in vivid realization of the existence of a Beneficent Creator, without partners, associates or equals. Islam teaches that each human being can and should establish direct communion with Allah through faith, through acceptance of Divine Guidance and through righteous conduct. On the basis of man’s relationship to his fellow beings through Allah , the Creator of all, it lays the foundations of a true universal brotherhood, excluding the privilege and discrimination based on color, race, nationality or an office, status or wealth.
In short, Islam sets forth and places at man’s disposal a most effective means of achieving the purpose of life. Of all Allah’s numberless bounties bestowed upon mankind it is one of the greatest and most precious, and it is indispensable for the beneficent growth of man in the epoch now unfolding before him.
The social values in the Islamic community ensure strong and lasting relationship and interaction of people based on equality, doing what is right, and give consideration to the rights and privileges of others. We can see that the social, moral and spiritual values propagated by Islam, the essence of which was observed during the rise and expansion in the early history of Islam is applicable to the present and future for all mankind.

 وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ ۚ لَوْ أَنْفَقْتَ مَا فِي الْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا مَا أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَلَـٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ إِنَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

“He has put affection between their hearts. Had you spent all that is in the earth you could not have put affection between their hearts, but Allah put affection between them; verily He is mighty, wise.”(Surah Anfaal 8:63)

عَسَى اللَّهُ أَنْ يَجْعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَ الَّذِينَ عَادَيْتُمْ مِنْهُمْ مَوَدَّةً ۚ وَاللَّهُ قَدِيرٌ ۚ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ

“He has put affection between their hearts. Had you spent all that is in the earth you could not have put affection between their hearts, but Allah put affection between them; verily He is mighty, wise. It may be that Allah will create friendship between you and those whom you hold as enemies. Allah is all-powerful. Allah is oft-forgiving, ever-merciful.” (Surah Mumtahana 60:7)


13 comments on “Forgiveness Between Husband And Wife.

  1. SOE says:

    I have wronged my wife in many ways and have been begging for forgiveness because I am changed and she doesn’t believe me. It is tearing us apart. I am sincerely a. Changed man. Kindly advice. I love my wife so much and can’t let her go.

    • muslimah says:

      Brother , it is very hard to forgive someone you love and have given your heart to after they have hurt you so much. Take time out to show your wife romance, how much you love her, how much you appreciate her, how much you want her in your life Remember her feelings her hurt WILL NOT DISAPPEARE over night , it will take a lot of time.
      Your wife and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
      May Allah show you and your wife with HIS Mercy And Blessings.Aameen

  2. Ayesha says:

    ….. I’ve been married for 3 years, I have made a few mistakes in the past. My husband and I decided we wanted to make our marriage work which was all going fine, but now the constant shak, arguments, accusations is drifting us apart. I don’t want to leave him but I don’t know what’s to do. I have changed my ways and have become a better person but he don’t see that. He accuses me and talks about the past everyday. How can I make my marriage work out. Please help!

    • muslimah says:

      Have you tried counseling? Asking someone you both trust to mediate between you?
      Sister turn to Allah more, make dua from your heart, inshallah all will come right.

  3. Brother says:

    Asalamu Alaikum,

    A very good read. However, what does one do when the pattern continues of disrespect, anger, and threats of leaving. Do you continue to forgive or say ‘its enough’. Please shed some light in detail.

    Thank you.

    • muslimah says:

      As sala’amu alaikum
      Brother I am so sorry for delay in replying, I was out on vacation.
      • Have you tried counselling? (Especially if you have children evolved)
      • Spoken to a arbitrator, someone who would advise you both fairly and wisely?
      If you have tried the above and nothing has worked out, then you should decide what is good for you and your family , mentally, and spiritually. Make “istikahra” Inshallah you will be guided to do what is right, Aameen.
      Walaikum as salaam
      “O Allah, make my luv for You the most beloved thing to me, and Your displeasure with me the most fearful thing to me, and instill in me a passion for mting You; when you have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshiping You. Aameen Thuma Aameen

  4. JazakAllahu Khairun sister, May Allah bless you with a perfect married life and give Taufeeq to both of you to assist each other in the path of Allah, ameen

    • muslimah says:

      As sala’amu alaikum
      Ameen thumma Aameen.
      “May Allah Thee Almighty Reward You, and Bless You Abundantly,Aameen thumma Aameen”
      Walaikum as salaam

      ابنة محمد

      Bint Muhammed.

  5. In Wonder says:

    Reading your article, made me pray really much for you, you really do sincere in that you say. May Allah truly and fast open your husbands eyes, and soul to what a wonderful wife he has. Someone sure needs to tell him! Allah is most surly with you sister.

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