Being Good To Our Parents.
وَٱخۡفِضۡ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحۡمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرۡحَمۡهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرً۬ا
“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did cherish me during childhood.” (Surah Isrâ 17:24)
In today’s rapid-paced life, we often tend to get so busy that we forget our parents’ rights. Family values have significantly dropped in our lives, and our friends often become more important to us than our own relatives.
What better can emphasize the good treatment of our parents than the following verse from the Qur’an:
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٲلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡڪِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّ۬ وَلَا تَنۡہَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلاً۬ ڪَرِيمً۬ا
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” (Surah Isrâ 17:23)
There are two noteworthy conclusions that may be noticed from this verse. 1st, Allah the Exalted has called for good treatment of parents immediately after ordering us to worship Him. This proves the importance of being kind to our parents and the elevated status in which Allah has placed parents in our lives.
2nd, Allah has ordered us not to utter even the least of inappropriate comments to them; thus it is very surprising that some people yell at their parents or even tell them to shut up. Furthermore, Rasulullah (SAW) was asked which deed was the best, Rasulullah (SAW) he replied: “The prayer at its appointed hour”. He was asked: “Then what?” to which Rasulullah (SAW) replied: “Kindness to the parents”. Again he was asked: “Then what?” Rasulullah (SAW) replied: “Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah.” (Muslim)
Whether or not we live with our parents, or if both of them are still alive, here are some tips to a good relationship with them:
*If we live with our parents we should bring something home every now and then. For example, buy a gift or a cake whenever we receive your paycheck.
*Make sure to spend time with them every day, whether it be for reciting Qur’an or reading Hadith’s together, conducting household chores, or just plain friendly talk.
*Take them out. My mother is extremely happy when I go out for a walk with her. *Obeying whatever they ask us to do, as long as it complies with Islam.
*If we don’t live with your parents Visit them regularly, say once a week or every two weeks. If we are unable to visit them often because we live far away for example, then do the next best thing and call them frequently. Also, we may send them letters, and don’t forget greeting cards on Islamic occasions (Ramadan, Eid, etc.) If one or both of our parents have passed away in the authentic hadith, a man came to Rasulullah (SAW) and asked him whether he can do any good for his parents after they passed away. The Rasulullah (SAW) told him to do the following:
· Supplication and Istighfaar for them,
· Executing their will,
· Connecting with relatives that are likely to be cut with the parents’ death, and
· Honoring their friends
In another hadith, Rasulullah (SAW) also taught us that among the good deeds that benefit one who has passed away is a ‘righteous son that supplicates for him/her.’
Difficulties with parents.
Reverts to Islam often tend to face difficulties with their non-Muslim parents. Likewise, Muslims who take up new acts of worship (such as growing a beard or wearing Niqaab) might get into unpleasant situations with them. Although one should not abandon such acts of worship in order to obey one’s parents, one should still retain a good relationship with both parents and treat them kindly. Allah the Exalted has ordered us to obey our parents even if they are non-Muslims but, once again, as long as what they ask complies with Islam. Conditions such as this require a good deal of patience and can be considered opportunities to show your parents that your newly-found beliefs have actually made you better and closer to them.
Finally, I would like to close with the supplication of the Prophet Ibrahim (AS) as in the Qur’an:
رَبِّ ٱجۡعَلۡنِى مُقِيمَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِىۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلۡ دُعَآءِ
“O my Lord! Make me one who performs As-Salaat (Iqâmat-as-Salât), and (also) from my offspring, our Lord! And accept my invocation.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:40)
رَبَّنَا ٱغۡفِرۡ لِى وَلِوَٲلِدَىَّ وَلِلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ يَوۡمَ يَقُومُ ٱلۡحِسَابُ
“Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and (all) the believers on the Day when the reckoning will be established.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:41)