The Mending The Bridge Of Marriage

The Mending The Bridge Of Marriage

As sala’amu alaikum

I had received a rather upsetting email, I was told that “you can put this email on your blog too. it owuld show that you are an honest person.” fair enough I will. Should you think that my reply would be upsetting to you, please do not read further. There will be only one alterations made to the email I received that would be my personal email address,  the name will not be with held.

Walaikum as salaam 

بنت محمد ،

Bint Muhammed.

“O’Allah do not call me to account for what they say, and forgive them  for what they have no knowledge of, and make me better than they imagine. Aameen Thuma Aameen”

Sent: 19 October 2009 07:18:26 PM

To:  I HAVE REMOVED MY EMAIL ADDRESS AS IT IS PRIVATE SO PLEASE REPECT IT

From:A reader

Asalamalaykum

I was reading your blog and i am also a student. you can put this email on your blog too. it owuld show that you are an honest person. i got your personal email from a sister that knows a member of you family. She told me to not give you her name. for protection purposes.It took me sometime to get yor email adress. i am sorry for not contacing you more early. U talk to u as a friend and sister. you are welcome to palce all this on your blog. i must tell u one thing sister, yOur blog is hurting you a lot. Your husband doesn’t tell people publicaly that he has divorced you. Your dad and you did not help the situation. Your husband was quite. Your blog was on fire and he was quite. Just smiles when people ask him about. never answered. He said this: i was thought by a wise woman: siliance is the best response to a fool. I dont know if u were this woman!  ALso your dad contacted board members and tried to reprimand your husband. Your husband acoordign to some mebers told the board members: how can i be married to a woman whose father calls up members i work for to complain about a matter that is personal matter. Its a matter that i did not even share with my parents. At first i may have regreted my divorce, now i am forced to stand by it as a good desision.’ Your dad help the divorce news spread. Not ur ex!  As sister to sister buy you placing all that information on your site you are totally hurting yourself. You have many woman now curious about him. Before your blog he was jsut a  regular alim. people are also tellin him thank god you divorced her cuz if she came to our community then she’d make a mess of us all by exposing us. I too feel sorry for him. I am not pretty. but if he asked me to find him a wife i too would help. No man needs to be treatd like that in public. WHen you say bad things then they say you jealous. Maybe you dont know utah. But utah people are backward. They like old fashion. WHen you attack any of em then its like you attacked all of em. I think yougot yourself ina mess. If i were you then i would keep positive stuff bouts urself online.  sorry sister if i hurt your feelings. am i forgiven sister? please?i hear your dad is a really pious man. Plse ask himtomke dua for my medical school exam.

bye Asalamalaykum

As sala’amu alaikum

A Muslim is a student for life that is what I am, I am also a wife, and a daughter. Getting my personal email address without my permission is a violation of rights in Islam, (I do not appreciate it given out, and would like to know from who it obtained, it is my right)  as I had made it clear on my blog pages, and I had provided another email address associated with my blog, so kindly I ask of you to abide and respect my wishes. Before I carry on please do not refer to my husband as my ex! You say that my blog is hurting me? No sister my blog is not hurting me, in fact it is a learning station for me as well as many others, of whom have become wonderful friends, yes you would be surprised many from Salt Lake City Utah, whom I would say are not old fashion thinking, to me it is not wrong to be old fashion thinking, as there is much to learn from the wisdom of the old. My husband HAS NOT DIVORCED ME, as I am his wife I would have really remembered if he has uttered to me the words of Divorce, as someone commented (From Salt Lake City Utah no I will not give their name or contact detail out, as I believe in respecting the privacy of people) women remembers the nasty words a man says, and if you sister are confident that your husband did not answer the nasty to you, then my dear sister I BELIEVE YOU” Sister the admin kept on going on and on that my husband was not married, then I get a comment on one of my post that is when defending MY MARRIAGE comes in, if you had read my blog you would see where my defending of myself comes in, read the comment (On August 19, 2009 at 3:22 pm From the one who knows Said):   on https://amuslimsistermaria200327.wordpress.com/2009/08/19/who-is-a-wise-husband/ 

How am I treating my husband? Sister I have been defending my husband through all odds, what right do you have to say I am tarnishing his reputation? Why is it when a lady stands up and defend her marriage and herself she is looked upon as being a bad, and jealous person, but if it was the other way around a man would have been doing the very right and honorable thing?  I do not think I have gotten myself in a mess, like you put it, if talking and defending what is wrong to be right, how can it be a mess??    Was it made aware that why my father called the board member? Let me tell you sister. My father called as he had tried a many number of times to call MY HUSBAND and his parents to bridge the gap that was not created only by man but by the whispers of Shaytaan, not getting through to my dear husband, he called and spoke the board member it was NOT TO REPRIMAND HIM, but to mend the bridge to reconciliation, and to put the rumor of divorce away, as it was around for sometime!  I have no brothers to stand by me through the trails in life, but Allah has indeed BLESSED ME AND MY SISTERS WITH A WONDERFUL, CARING, LOVING , ALLAH FEARING FATHER, a father who does not like to see the hurt, pain and anguish a daughter going through, my father, did what any father would do, mending his daughter’s home. To the people of Salt Lake City Utah, congratulating my husband on a divorce that has not happened, a deed which trembles the Arsh of Allah, and accusing me, a Muslim, a sister in faith, of a habit which I do not have, have you thought is Allah is going to pleased with your congratulations on a deed that gains the ANGER of Allah and on something that has not happened  and with your evil thoughts of a Muslim, me?  I am not defending myself, but talking bad or evil of a community is something I do not do. As for the people of Utah defending my husband, I would have been shocked had they not, after all he leads them in salaah and is the Imam their leader.  What is there to be jealous of in a person whom Allah created? The only thing I can be jealous of is that, wish I had the Quran by memory like my husband, but then I think if I had the Quran in my heart and I was hurting someone or not practicing what I know, what would reward would I have gotten, and how displeased my Allah would have been. Women who are curious about him now, sister the sin of thinking or seeing a ghair -mahram man is not on my shoulders, it is on theirs. Instead of thinking and wondering about another sisters husband, why not go on to the mas’alah and make dua that Allah reunites a couple who Shaytaan has whispered and created evil thoughts and is doing his best by breaking up their marriage. Sister like you I am human, a creation and a servant of Allah’s, praising myself, is not of me, so please refrain from asking me to do so. You say my father is pious and you ask me, to ask my father to make dua for you, after the accusations placed on his shoulders, all my dear father did was call to mend a the bridge. As for me forgiving you Allah says:

 وَالَّذِينَ يَجْتَنِبُونَ كَبَائِرَ الْإِثْمِ وَالْفَوَاحِشَ وَإِذَا مَا غَضِبُوا هُمْ يَغْفِرُونَ

“And when they are angry, they forgive.” (Surah Ash-Shura 42:37)

Walaikum as salaam 

بنت محمد ،

Bint Muhammed

“O’Allah do not call me to account for what they say, and forgive them for what they have no knowledge of, and make me better than they imagine. Aameen Thuma Aameen”

ps. the saying “Silence Is The Best Reply To A Fool” comes from the wisdom of  Ali (RA) THE 4th Khalifa

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12 comments on “The Mending The Bridge Of Marriage

  1. Zulaikah says:

    I was sad to read you div, but happy to see that you are happier :) I admire you, as if it was me , in all honesty I would have thrashed my ex out . You are indeed a lady of many good characteristics, your blog is surely a reflection on the person you are. May Allah grant you all the very best in everything in this and the next life. Aameen.

    • muslimah says:

      As sala’amu alaikum
      Jazakumullah for your kind words, and dua. May Allah bless you and your family. Aameen.
      Uhm thrashing someone in public is a bad choice, I dont feel that doing something like this would help anyone in anyway. Leaving my affairs for Allah to help me with is the best :) after all Allah is the best of Judges and justice is from Allah Alone :)
      Walaikum as salaam
      “O Allah, make my love for You the most beloved thing to me, and Your displeasure with me the most fearful thing to me, and instill in me a passion for meeting You; when you have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshipping You. Aameen Thuma Aameen

  2. muslimah says:

    As sala’amu alaikum

    To catch up on this post, yes I do relise it is a year later ;) (I have been concentrating on other roads in my life :) ) Allah is the all Wise, Allah alone knows what is best for His creation, for the last many months I am divorced. Do I feel pain? No, as I leave my affairs to Allah, I ask Allah to keep away that which is bad and evil for me, and to bless me with that which is pleasing to Him, for I live for the pleasure of Allah.
    Walaikum as salaam
    “O Allah, make my love for You the most beloved thing to me, and Your displeasure with me the most fearful thing to me, and instill in me a passion for meeting You; when you have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshipping You. Aameen Thuma Aameen

  3. Masiha says:

    Asalamulaykum
    Sister I really liked your reply to Munira. I have learn much from the reply (not that I am married, but of how a wife should be, you are my inspiration thank you)
    If I had written a email like that to you and received such a beautiful learning reply I would have asked you to forgive me. I sincerely hope that Munira asked you for, forgiveness.
    May Allah keep you in good health, happiness and in the shade of His Mercy. Aamen.

    • muslimah says:

      As sala’amu alaikum Sister Masiha.
      Jazakumullah for your kind words . May Allah bless you. Aameen.
      No sister Munira has not emailed me back, I am sure she is very busy with her studies, after all studying medicine requires alot of dedication, rest assure all that transpired with her is out of my mind. May Allah guide us all to be pleasing to Him at all times.Aameen.
      Walaikum as salaam
      “O Allah, make my love for You the most beloved thing to me, and Your displeasure with me the most fearful thing to me, and instill in me a passion for meeting You; when you have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshipping You. Aameen Thuma Aameen”

  4. Stephen says:

    I been reading all your post, from the time you started defending your marriage and your letter on 27 june 2003, I truly admire you. May god shower his blessings on you. Amen.
    Regards
    Stephen.

  5. A Brother says:

    Sister muslimah, an amazing reply, you are great, do not let the words of people put you down, people are shallow, they wish for the worst for someone, but they forget Allah is watching and He is the Judge, the wheel shall turn to them, for Allah hates those who hurt another Muslim. Nabi (SAW) said “the best among you are those best to their wife,and I’m the best to my wives.” for an Alim your husband who has the knowledge is a sad and bad reflection on Islam. May Allah always grant you the best in life, may Allah remove your tears fill your heart with much happiness, may allah pave your road in life with Allah’s blessings always. Amen.
    Your father did the right, as a daughters pain is a parents heartbreak. May allah reward your parents amen.

  6. Missy says:

    Muslimah, I love & admire you for standing up for your marriage,I love your answers, i love the way you post, and I love your post on “a humble word of gratification.” the way you love your husband is so much,with duas inshaallah he will love you more then you love him ;) may allah truly bless you. Amen

  7. Mu'adh says:

    Sis muslimah, yo right about women been taken 2 task abt wen they stand up for da marriage n men praised, bt as a brother in islam I say well done sister you have done da right, stand ur ground n stand wat u belive in, u have a army standing wit u. Sis Munira wow sis, wat a vindictive email! Yeah if you had any care, y tell a sister u would find her husband a wife if u where asked!! Geez sister sit back n think if tat was said to u! How about saying, “sister we gonna do all we can so u can be with your husband.” Tat is wat a true Muslim would say! Allah guide us all, amen.
    Mu’adh

  8. Nadir says:

    As a father of 2 daughters, I would have done the same as muslimah’s father,it is a shame that people take it the wrong way, may allah bless your father, your mother, your family and you muslimah,amen.

  9. Embarrassment Alert says:

    Yeah embarrassment alert not for Muslimah, but for us the muslims of salt lake city, what thoughts! How can u say thank god she wont be joining our community, we should actually be saying, what did we do wrong that Allah is keeping her away from us! Gosh Munira,i would be so embarrassed and would wish to vanish with a email a thoughts like yours!

  10. Suhail says:

    Mashallah sister Muslimah, what a beautiful answer, for someone who did not go till high school, you answer really great, may allah keep the words of truth flowing from you. Amen.
    Sister Munira, yikes your spelling, and grammer for someone doing medicine is really bad, my nephews between 8-14, write and spell better then you. Hope that you and all who point fingers and accusations at sister muslimah, will now look into yourself and community (which shamely i’m part of) and look at the wrong.

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