Kindness in Marriage

Kindness in Marriage

Allah reminds us of His blessings and explains to us His signs that indicate His favours and kindness. Allah says:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Room 30:21)

In this verse, Allah calls our attention to a great blessing that He has endowed us with. This blessing is the relationship between man and woman by which isolation is removed, happiness is achieved and peace and tranquility are attained in the life of this world. One should therefore, take care of this blessing and not become a cause for its destruction. Allah created His servants with different ability to manage the affairs of their lives and in the ways of achieving happiness in this life and the Hereafter. It is because of this difference that He made some of His servant’s leaders and others subjects. He chose for them leaders to manage their affairs. He made man the manager of his household and the woman the caretaker of the house of her husband. For the home is the pillar of life, the foundation of its happiness, tranquility and stability. The home cannot stand firm unless the man performs his obligations, takes care of his family and treats them kindly. The same applies to the wife. The Muslim woman should perform her obligations towards her husband and children. For home is the first school of life and the foundation of good behavior for the children. She must give them sound Islamic upbringing that will lead to a good life in this world and happiness in the Hereafter. A great calamity that many people are afflicted with these days is the indifference where the husband would never listen to his wife side of the story and insist that he is right, men sometimes you have to admit when you wrong, yes women would fly off the rail, BUT that only happens when you don’t listen to us, when you do not take our word, and when you compare us to others!! . A husband should control himself, listen to his wife and not to let his anger drive him into a rage. Whenever he feels annoyed, he should change his position as Rasulullah (SAW) has instructed like changing his position from standing to sitting or from sitting to lying down or leaving the house until his anger is gone and he has come back to his senses. He should also remember the instruction of Rasulullah (SAW): “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he finds a behavior in her that he dislikes, he will find another that he likes.” This Prophetic directive is a basis for good relationship between husband and wife. The husband must note the commendable conducts that his wife possesses and compare that to her conducts that he dislikes. For when man looks into commendable behaviors that his wife possesses he will overlook her misdeeds because of her overwhelming good conduct. The wise man should know that attaining perfection is impossible. If he looks into his own self, he will find out that he has more imperfections than the ones he sees in his wife or the same. There is no way to avoid a disagreement with a wife or any of the relatives or friends. Let him remember the word of Allah,

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَنْ تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهًا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّا أَنْ يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُبَيِّنَةٍ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِنْ كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا

“And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (Surah Nisa 4:19)

A person with a sound mind, pure nature and fair conscience will not deny a woman her right or be unjust to a woman who joined him in a marriage in a relationship and each of them has found repose in the other, as Allah says:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَ‌ٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect…”  (Surah Room 30:21)

In spite of this love and mercy that the husband and the wife find in one another, the woman is still obedient to her husband, takes care of his home and gives him enjoyment. After all this, can any reasonable man have the audacity to harm this woman, inconvenience her, humiliate her, wrong her, beat her and divorce her? Allah has blessed the believing women with honour, respect and chastity and whom Allah has made the nurturer and the caretaker of a family, Expect to get reward from Allah for your obedience to your husband, your service to him, your perseverance and you’re overlooking of things that do not contradict religion or standard moral conduct.  Spouses should treat one another well. We should bear whatever their companion does with patience and tolerance. Remember that each of you owes obligations to their spouse as Allah says,

وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنْفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَنْ يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ اللَّهُ فِي أَرْحَامِهِنَّ إِنْ كُنَّ يُؤْمِنَّ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ۚ وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِي ذَ‌ٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوا إِصْلَاحًا ۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.”(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:228)



One comment on “Kindness in Marriage

  1. Khalid says:

    Great article sister,opened my eyes to my wrongs. May allah bless you for sharing.
    I pray that allah makes your husband kind, and caring and to lower his pride and to reconcile with you, for if he loses you,you will be his GREAT LOSS.may allah make is easy. amin.

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