Saying of “I Promise” In A Relationship
There two words that invoke much hope and confidence it is when one is told, “I promise.” When we young we are taught that promises are unbreakable pledges which cannot be defaulted on under any circumstances. When we grow older, the old saying of, “promises were meant to be broken,” more often justifies the lack of commitment and follow-through placed behind these two words. We forget that a promise, is like a pledge or a vow, and that it should be given only if we are absolutely sure that we can fulfill it. As Muslims, OUR WORD IS OUR BOND!! When we make promises, we should also make sure that we keep them, for Allah says,
ذَٰلِكَ مِمَّا أَوْحَىٰ إِلَيْكَ رَبُّكَ مِنَ الْحِكْمَةِ ۗ وَلَا تَجْعَلْ مَعَ اللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا آخَرَ فَتُلْقَىٰ فِي جَهَنَّمَ مَلُومًا مَدْحُورًا
“…surely every promise shall be questioned about.” (Surah Isrâ 17:39)
How many times have we heard of spouses who have gotten married talk of the promises they have made to each other? She promises that she will always look her best when he’s at home, that the house will be immaculate at all times. He promises that he will help her maintain their home, be there for her, never leave her, help her with the children and that he will practically be the poster boy for “Great Husbands Inc.” As a few young years go by, we find a much different picture than the one painted only a few short years ago. We often find one of them living up to the promises that they made, and the other a total opposite breaking the promise that they made. This is usually the cause of much conflict and tension in many marriages. We must be careful to guard the promises we make to each other for Allah says:
بَلَىٰ مَنْ أَوْفَىٰ بِعَهْدِهِ وَاتَّقَىٰ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَّقِينَ
“whoever fulfills his promise and guards (against evil), surely Allah loves those who guard (against evil).” (Surah Al-Imrân 3:76)
Broken promises in a marital relationship can lead to many problems. When promises are broken, it breaks down the fragile walls of trust and confidence that must be maintained in order for the relationship to flourish. What may seem like a little thing to you may be something quite big to someone else. By guarding our promises, we also guard the integrity of our relationships. This in turn fosters a more secure sense of reliability, trust and confidence, and serves to diffuse tensions and conflicts. Allah says:
يُوفُونَ بِالنَّذْرِ وَيَخَافُونَ يَوْمًا كَانَ شَرُّهُ مُسْتَطِيرًا
“They fulfill vows and fear a day the evil of which shall be spreading far and wide.” (Surah Insan 76:7)
Let us fulfill our vows with this fear in mind. Let us not forget that even though we are neglectful, our scribe angels are not. We are honour-bound to be truthful with each other, and we should always say what we mean, and mean what we say.
وَمَا أَنْفَقْتُمْ مِنْ نَفَقَةٍ أَوْ نَذَرْتُمْ مِنْ نَذْرٍ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُهُ ۗ وَمَا لِلظَّالِمِينَ مِنْ أَنْصَارٍ
“And whatever alms you give or (whatever) vow you vow, surely Allah knows and the unjust shall have no helper.” (Surah Baqarah 2:270)
let us not be among the unjust. LET US BE ALWAYS MINFUL OF THE VOWS AND PROMISES WE MADE AND MAKE TO EACH OTHER, AS THROUGH IT BONDS ARE MADE STRONGER AND HOLD US TOGETHER.
“May Allah guide us and protect us from sinning and keep guiding to that which is right. Aameen Thuma Aameen”