Marriage is a very important commitment, for the men or women folk. But it seems we all only give advice to the ladies how to conduct marriage, how to live with the husband, his family and your children. How many of us tell our sons or brothers how to be with their wives? They too need advice, although sometimes they to shy or embarrassed to ask. I do hope that this little advice would help those of you who are getting sons or brothers married.
“May Allah Keep Guiding Us To Conduct Our Lives In A Manner Pleasing To Him.Aameen.”
Advice To The Muslim Husband.
By getting married you are just not getting a wife, you are getting you whole world. From now until the rest of you days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you, when you need help she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret she will keep it, when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you, when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers, during the day she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you with her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul, when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see, will be her, when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouse to each other is
“They are your garments and you are their garments.” (Surah Baqarah 2:187) Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide each other with protection, the comfort, the cover, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine in the winter of Switzerland without garments! Our spouses provider us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would in the Switzerland winter.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations, the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the heart of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feeling is that, it is an act of Allah, “And Allah has made for you Mates (And companions of your own nature.)” (Surah Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the heart of spouses. In fact Allah is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the heart of spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to his existence Allah says: “And among His signs I this, that He created mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He put love and mercy between your hearts, verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Room 30:21)
But Allah knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken it not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted, continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Beloved Prophet (SAW) had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Ayesha (RA). She out ran him but later after she gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that the Prophet (SAW) took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of EMOTIONS is NECESSARY to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
Remember you will be rewarded by Allah for any emotions you show your wife as the Prophet (SAW) said: “One would be rewarded for anything he does seeking the pleasure of Allah, even the food he puts in the mouth of his wife.”
Never underestimate the importance of seeming little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car door for her etc… Remember that the Prophet (SAW) used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah is the best guarantee that you both would always remain strong.Having peace with Allah will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that Rasulullah (SAW) gave glade tidings to those couples who wake up at night to pray together. Rasulullah (SAW) even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and deeds. Talk to her, smile at her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT RASULULLAH (SAW) SAID: “ THE BEST OF YOU ARE THOSE WHO ARE BEST TO THEIR WIFE’S.”
Finally, it is common that spouse vow to love and honor their spouse until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough!! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones… Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe that there is life after death, “Where those who are righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses and offspring.” (Al-Quraan 43:70)
The best example in this regard is Rasulullah (SAW) whose love for Khadijah (RA), his wife for 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadijah (RA) family and friends and whenever Rasulullah (SAW) felt that a visitor at the door might be Khadijah’s (RA) sister Hala, he would pray saying: “Oh Allah let it be Hala.”
“May Allah Guide Us To Do What Is Pleasing To Him.Aameen.”