Etiquette’s In The Family

Now that I {and I hope you as well dear reader} understand the rights of the spouse, lets go onto the next part of the relationship, our children.

Etiquette Towards  One’s Children.

A Muslim recognizes that a child has rights over his parents that he must fulfill. Furthermore, there are some manners and etiquette that must be followed between the two. There are to be found in the parent choosing a good name for his child, having mercy and gentleness with the child, providing for the child, bringing him up in a proper way, being concerned with his cultural and social upbringing, teaching him about Islam and training him to fulfill the obligatory and recommended aspects as well as other manners. This continues until the child is married off, at which time he will give him the choice to stay under his guardianship or move off on his own. These are all based on the following evidences from the Quraan and Sunnah.

Allah says in the Quraan:

وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ ۖ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ ۚ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَدِهِ ۚ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَ‌ٰلِكَ ۗ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَنْ تَرَاضٍ مِنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا ۗ وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمْ أَنْ تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُمْ مَا آتَيْتُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۗ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ

“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, { that is } for those { parents } who desire to complete the term of suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.” {Surah Al-Baqarah 2:233}

Allah also says:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire {Hell} whose fuel men and stones, which are angels stern { and } severe, who disobey not { from executing } the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” {Surah Tahrim 66:6}

 In this verse, there is a command to protect the family from the Hell-Fire. This is done by obeying Allah. This obedience of Allah requires that one know that Allah has obligated him to do. This cannot come about without learning. Therefore, since the father is from the group of men, the verse is evidence that it is obligatory upon the father to teach his child, educate him, guide him and lead him to what is best and the obedience of Allah and His Messenger { SAW }. Similarly, he must teach him to refrain and remain away from disbelief, acts of disobedience, evil and depravity. This is all in order to protect him from the punishment of the Hell-Fire. Furthermore, in the first verse there is evidence that the responsibility for the maintenance of the child falls upon the father. This is because the obligation upon him to support the suckling mother is because she is suckling his child.

Allah also says:

وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلَاقٍ ۖ نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْئًا كَبِيرًا

“And kill not your children in fear of poverty.” {Surah Isrâ 17:31}

 When Rasulullah {SAW} was asked about the greatest sins, he replied : “You should associate an equal to Allah while He created you, that you kill your child out of fear that he would eat your food, and that you commit adultery with your neighbor’s wife.” {Al-Bukhari and Muslim} The prohibition of killing one’s children is a necessary consequence of having mercy for them and protecting their body, minds and souls from harm. Rasulullah {SAW} said concerning having an Aqeeqa for the child: “A boy is being held in pledge for his Aqeeqa that is slaughtered for him on the seventh day. He should also be named on that day and have his hair shaven from his head.” {Abu-Dawud}  Rasulullah {SAW} also said: “The acts according to the Fitra {natural disposition for the prophets} are five, circumcision, removing public hairs, trimming the mustache, trimming the nails and removing underarm hairs.” {Al-Bukhari and Muslim}  It is also narrated that Rasulullah {SAW} said: “Honor your children and bring them up well. Verily, your children are a gift to you.” {Ibn-Majah}  Rasulullah {SAW} is also to have reported to have said: “Be equitable among your children when it comes to giving them. If I were to give preference to anyone, I would give preference to the females.” {Al-Baihaqi}  Rasulullah {SAW} also said “Teach your child to pray at the age of seven and beat them to do it at the age of ten. And separate them in their bedding.” {Abu-Dawud} Concerning the rights of the child upon the father, it is also mentioned in reports that the father must educate the child in a good way and choose a good name. Umar {RA} once said, “From the rights upon the father is that he teaches him writing and archery and that he not feed him anything except what is legal and pure.”  It also narrated that Umar {RA} also said: “Marry from a pious households, for verily genetics’ has a strong effect.” Once a Bedouin was showing his children what a favor did to them by choosing their mother, he told them: “The first good thing I did towards you was my choosing of a good noble family whose ancestors were chaste.”

 “May Allah Grant Me And You The Ability To Bring Up Our Children On The Right Path.Aameen.”


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